Halloween.
Halloween is a polarizing holiday for women. We tend to fall into one of two camps based on our response to a statement like the following, which is a based on a real statement I read on a website recently:
Halloween is a holiday which gives you an excuse to wear that fancy lingerie you own in public!
Camp 1:
Yay! Underwear as real clothes! I'm going to dress as a sexy nurse! Oh, but I have that black number I love so much with the lace and the frills... I know! I'll go as a sexy witch! Now all I need is a hat! Halloween is easy!
Camp 2:
::indignant spluttering::
Now granted, there may be some who don't really live in Camp 2 by choice because of body image issues or something like that. But I'm willing to bet money that most of the women who are camping out on this side live here because of a different “issue” with themselves: self-respect.
Ah, yes, self-respect that great enemy to the sexy police officer, sexy school teacher and sexy mental patient everywhere (I've never actually seen that last one, but you have to admit, a straight jacket could be pretty sexy given the right heels and the right amount of makeup paired with it.) For shame on that woman who thinks too highly of herself to parade about in her alltogethers on October 31 as if it was acceptable to do so the other 364 days of the year (or 365, if it's a leap year.) If only all ladies could see the truth in the fact that the higher your heels the closer you are to God.
But alas...it isn't so; one can find many a wayward soul bemoaning the selection of commercially available costumes. Why these disgruntled women cannot find joy in a sexy Rainbow Brite or a sexy bar wench costume is beyond incomprehensible. If only they could see their way clear to don a sexy cat costume or a sexy french maid uniform, surely their prudish, Victorian ways would be overcome! With a sexy referee or a sexy schoolgirl outfit these women, too, could find the fulfillment in being ogled, manhandled, and generally disrespected by literally tens of men each year! Is it so wrong, after all, to want to spend one night of magical frivolity dressed as a sexy pirate, sexy fairy, or sexy ship's captain? No. It's not wrong.
In fact, I believe there are several many truly undiscovered areas of sexiness to be explored this Halloween. This year, avoid the embarrassment of avidly avoiding the other sexy vampire in the room by branching out into a new vein of sexy. Gentlewomen, my compatriots, I give you my top ten 'sexy' costume ideas for 2011!
1. Sexy Hipster
Revel in the knowledge that you've been doing 'sexy' for Halloween since
before it was popular.
2. Sexy Banker
'Cause nothing says 'sexy' like a name badge and access to vaults full of cash.
3. Sexy Undertaker
Be the girl every guy will die to be with.
4. Sexy Baker
Every girl knows that old adage about direct pathways between male internal
organs. Dressing in only an apron and a chef's hat is sure to get his attention, too.
(Note: unless you plan to keep your back to the wall all night, you may want to
consider underwear as well. But hey, that's your call.)
5. Sexy Lunch Lady
If you're more of a savory kind of girl than sweet, serve up some sexy as everyone's
favorite cafeteria worker!
6. Sexy Man
Show those guys how its done.
7. Sexy Sex Worker
If you've already gone to all the trouble of acquiring the look, why not
make a few bucks while you're at it?
8. Sexy Zombie
Who says the undead have to be unsexy?
9. Sexy Grandma
The über-cougar. Because you can get away with anything when
you're an old lady. Make embarrassing comments and pinch cheeks
(both sets) to your heart's content.
10. Sexy Football
Guys like sports, right?
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