Post-Apocalypse fatTER

The Brain has been on a major weight loss/diet kick the last three months. Having Shiny really kicked him into gear as far as putting himself into the physical shape he'd been craving for years. When he lost 60 pounds in those three months, I took a step back and looked at my post-baby body and I was. not. happy. I was FAT! (ok, not fat. fatTER.)

Here's the thing: I am (was) a size 2. Post-Apocalypse - also known as labor - I was a generous size 4. More like a 6, since I was loathe to wear anything tight. I hadn't gained too much weight, about 30 pounds, but I had gained it in my lady bajangas (hurray!) and my thighs, butt and those ever-loving handles. So 30 pounds distributed-quite unfairly if you ask me- plus a hip stretch led me down the road of "is bigger really better?" This is the realization I stumbled upon. Fat is SO relative.

Before you throw any stones and shout me down for being the fattest skinny person that has lived, you have to understand a few things. 

Fat is a state of Being, not of Body

I may be smaller than a lot of people, but it's not about the other people. I was fatTER. I fell into the rabbit hole Alice and came out on the other side Tweedle Dum Dum Pop. And yes, A good portion of the weight came off Post-Apocalypse, but the fatTER? It all stayed. It was like a boyfriend you've been dating after 3 weeks and its been 2 weeks too long already but you try to tell him that you want to "take a break" (AKA get the HELK out of my space!) and he just smiles down at you with a goober face. Me and fatTER? I was ready to break up. And fatTER's goober face is not as cute as my last boyfriend's. Beyond the physical fat, I felt terrible. I was weak, slow, tired, and didn't feel fit. I wasn't fit. But now I had all the fat to prove it. Sad sad sad. Fat fat fat(TER). 

Feeling fat is Being Fat

Feeling fat is when you are wearing a brain layer of fat that you can't get rid of and it HAUNTS you. And you know what? I get it. Because you can be as thin as is healthy for your body but if you feel the fat rolls then you've got the fat rolls. I'm currently down to my normal weight thanks to some selective dieting. Plus a few pounds for boobage. But I'm not where I was when I look at myself. I stopped liking my body. Where I once saw sexyful curves I now see muffintop busting out of my one size larger jeans and no I can't wear that tight shirt because it shows way too much (can you say spare tire and then some?) and do you have a nun's outfit for me to wear? Or an extra-large parka? 

Working off the fatTER

In my opinion fatTER is much worse than fat. Fat can be dieted off. If you run, fat melts. Yes, its hard work, but its done. And people cheer you on all the way.

But fatTER? It's sneaky. It fits into your largest pair of pants. It magicks it's way into your pounds on the scale. It hides from everyone's eyes but your own, and when you make mention of it people want to refer you to a psychiatrist, not Jenny Craig. And then it mocks you while you look at pictures from a year ago in that other life sans fatTER when you were YOU- however big you were at the time of satisfactory size- and tells you it will never be the same. Not to mention fatTER is the hardest to lose. You can't just eat less or do a quick workout. You have to live differently and work religiously and even then fatTER may become your friendly neighborhood stalker permanently. 

As you may be able to tell, me and fatTER don't get along. Everyone knows fatTER. When you ate too much candy as a kid and felt sick and slightly obese, that was fatTER. When you had 3 pieces of cake or too much pizza or forgot to exercise or tried to fit into that pair of skinny jeans, fatTER was on your shoulder making goober faces. I'm sure fatTER will show up in my posts because it's pretty much my arch-nemesis (that and Randall the Laundry Demon- but that's a tale for another day). For now, fatTer is the unwelcome guest in my house (and yours too maybe). We've posted an eviction notice and are taking action but its a slow process.