Politics for Dummies

For 25 years I avoided politics. Ignored blissfully. The closest I have ever come to politics was when Obama came to the bar I worked at in Michigan for a much needed drink after a long talk about HOPE and CHANGE. My view is, politics are like religion. Even when you are on the same side you don't agree on the same things, and when you are on the opposite side its pretty much a matter of life and death. Offend no one or offend everyone. Plus, it never completely affected my life, even after "becoming a grownup". No matter who was in office, I still had to pay my taxes, obey the laws, and go about life in a generally same fashion. Would it be nice if  my government could do certain things, like figure out the economy died because of the amount of debt I was in? I still say that if the government canceled all my loans I'd go out today and buy a car and a house. Would it be nice if i could decide whether or not to buy healthcare? Wear a seatbelt? Sure. But if I could go through a week without worrying about Congress, then it really didn't matter what was going on.

Somehow, this year, I've gotten bit by the political bug. And this is why. I learned a few shocking secrets.

1. The President's job is basically like being a parent in a badly functioning relationship with multiple children. It's not rocket science, but you have to learn to delegate, mediate, and for Goodness Sake Be Honest.

2. Congress is like wiping the toilet seat with paper before you sit down. Unless it's wet, its Totally Pointless.

3. There is no such thing as Republicans and Democrats, only really angry people who call each other stupid names when they disagree with something the other one things. You know who else does that? A 2 year old in a sandbox who just found out that the "poophead" on the swings likes applejuice. Applejuice? Gross. It's all about the chocolate milk. What a freak. I hate to say it, folks, but in the end we really all want the same basic things. Health, happiness, a place to live, enough money, enough food, and the FREEDOM to make our own choices and mistakes. All that stuff that is fought about? It really shouldn't be the government deciding that anyways. Way to nitpick the details so we ignore pressing issues like illegal immigration and a completely failed economy.

4. We (Americans) say we just want a president who understands us. A normal, everyday guy (or girl...ha) who had to struggle to get by just like most of us. The sad news is, unless you are rich, you don't get to run for president. In order to get your issues known, you have to be in press conferences and national debates and on the ballots. In order to have that happen you have to be a serious contender. In order to be a serious contender you have to have lots of advertising and buzz. Without ads, rallies, etc, you only have the internet. Most people don't take the internet seriously - we just aren't of that generation yet. Also, you have to raise a certain amount of money for your campaign in order to even get on the ballot in every state, otherwise you have to pay mucho dinero or get like 5000 signatures of people wanting you. So unless you have a few million or more to throw around, you pretty much don't stand a chance, especially since you can't get large donations from corporations, only "people". Beginning to see why certain people win?

5. Politics shouldn't be a career. I get 4 years or 8 years of being president is hard. Lots of pressure. Lots of death threats. But once you are done, I hate to say it, but get a job. I'm pretty sure you could write a book, be a movie star, or a seriously Kick A Consultant. "One hour with the ex president and your business will thrive!" I don't want to pay for your lavish lifestyle until you kick the bucket. Same for everyone in Congress, and the House, and the Senate. Do I appreciate them? No, not really, because again, its no harder than being in a relationship. Work on it, negotiate, and stop being so damn selfish, and maybe we could get a few things done and you would earn your 200K a year. Maybe.

6. Several years from now, that 1% and that 99% are really going to be "first class" and "peasants". The peasants are mad that the first classers have so much freakin money and aren't spreading it around. It really doesn't seem fair. The first classers are mad that the peasants don't seem to appreciate that much of that money came from their hard work in the beginning. Now if a peasant became a first classer, would they give all their hard earned money away to again become a peasant? Probably not. But at the same time, it does seem pretty crappy that so much money is so unevenly spread. Unfortunately, that's life.

I should probably stop here. I guess what I am getting at is, I feel the need to do something. Vote, maybe. Run for president, maybe. Something to help people get together and recognize that everyone feels the same way and if we could strip away the petty idiocy we could actually make a difference instead of voting in bought yahoos with an agenda - become famous and retire rich.