"Turn around discreetly and throw it somewhere"

In the daily ins and outs of my job, I occasionally happen upon a book such as the following.  Upon which I often spend rather more time than I ought desperately biting my lip to keep from laughing out loud in the workplace and giving myself away in the midst of my not-strictly-work-related-activity.

Excerpt from Practically Useless Information: Food & Drink by Norman Kolpas

SIXTEENTH CENTURY TABLE MANNERS FOR CHILDREN


Excerpted from De Civilitate Morum Puerilium (On Civility in Children), published in 1530, by Dutch philosopher Desiderius Erasmus:


 On Coming to Table:
 Come to the table clean and in a merry mood.


 On Pausing Before Eating:
 Some people immediately descend on the dishes the moment they have been set down. Wolves do that.

 On Banquet Settings:
 At banquets, two people share each soup bowl and use squares of bread (trenchers) to serve as plates.

 On Letting Others Go First:
 Be careful not to be the first to put your hands in the dish.


 On Avoiding Greediness:

 What you cannot hold in your hands you must put on your plate.

 On Resting Your Hands:
 Do not rest your hands on your trencher.

 On Drinking:
 Do not drink more than two or three times during the meal (mostly wine diluted with water or thin beer), and wipe your lips with a napkin after each sip, especially if a common drinking-cup is used.

 On Food You Cannot Swallow:
 Turn around discreetly and throw it somewhere.

 On Bones:
 Do not put chewed bones back on plates. Instead, throw them on the floor for the dog.

 On Licking Your Fingers:
 It is impolite to lick greasy fingers or to wipe them on your coat. Better to use the tablecloth or the serviette.

 On Burping:
 Retain the wind by compressing the belly.

 On Sitting Still and Avoiding False Impressions:
 Do not move back and forth on your chair. Doing so gives the impression of constantly breaking, or trying to break, wind.

 On Spitting:
 Turn away lest your saliva fall on someone. If anything purulent falls on the ground, tread upon it, lest it nauseate someone.

 On Sharing Your Handkerchief:
 Do not offer your handkerchief to anyone unless it has been freshly washed.

 On Losing Your Food:
 Do not be afraid of vomiting if you must; it is not vomiting but holding the vomit in your throat that is foul.


So, the lesson is, of course, that throwing your food on the floor and vomiting are perfectly acceptable mealtime activities as long as the alternative is worse.

Accordingly, Mr. Kolpas indicates that today, January 31 is National Brandy Alexander Day!  So have a drink friends; you've already made it 1/12th of the way through the year!